Competition has become insane. It has become so insane, I’m putting off the second part of my bipolar series to discuss it today.
Once upon a time, I had a friend for whom everything was a gauntlet thrown down before her. I didn’t even realize this until the day we were sitting down watching television and I unconsciously moved up to scooch my boobs forward to take the stress off my lower back. She then tossed me a haughty look and did the same thing with her boobs, as if countering my “affront”. I sat there mystified. She had interpreted a simple position change in the worst possible way. She clearly thought I had consciously done this to best her. It would be many years before I’d watch a documentary about primate behavior and see the same acting-out among higher primates. This brings me to modern pack dynamics and the Net.
I realized some years ago that some people take anything as a challenge to their egos. One’s own success — even little ones — become a threat to them. The gangs of “mean girls” (many of them far too old to qualify as “girls”) who roam the net, ranking down others’ stories, posting consciously nasty (not constructive criticism) reviews just to knock another writer, giving one-star reviews to books that haven’t even been released yet, and doing a vast menagerie of other animal behaviors that are stunning to those of us who wouldn’t do this to anyone, ever. I soon learned I couldn’t share my good reviews with anyone because that would be seen as “bragging” — and it would often be followed by someone posting a one-star response. I’m told this reaction is due to their inferiority complexes, when it seems clear to me the problem isn’t an inferiority complex at all but the supposition that they are somehow deserving of accolades when the rest of us are not.
Not long ago, I related on Facebook about a family member of mine posting a glowing review on Amazon to one of my books. Now, I reported it and had it removed, but someone reading my FB post assumed I hadn’t and immediately went over, disagreeing with all my thoroughly legitimate positive reviews. The writer not only refused to admit she had done this, she exploded on me with a whole volley of abuse clearly borne of a guilty conscience. I, I was told, had real problems! And this from a fellow writer of erotic romance … you know how it is, one’s own kinks are fine, others’ are sick and twisted.
Just because someone has done well does not mean you aren’t doing well, too. Is a writer’s success only determined by the supposed, comparative lack of success of her friends? Must she always be paramount? If she’s only happy when she’s on top and others are beneath her, what does that say about her?
I have an old friend who is doing amazing things right now. I quite literally couldn’t be happier for her. I respect her as a writer even though her books aren’t my thing. I also don’t begrudge her a moment of success.
Was a time, I thought, writers cheered each other on. The Internet has given me a newer, wiser — and sadder — opinion about this.